World Famous In San Francisco

O.K. while Mr. Smears was going all on and on about this band that spray paints their logo all over town I was finding myself significantly amused and became inspired to write a post about something bands do that I really hate.

Here's a list of bands that I've seen out hawking underwear (I HATE THAT!) with their band logo on it, (how clever, how cute! not!) and my guess as to what the demographic is who would actually fork over $$ to buy said bands underwear.

Excuses For Skipping
Wow, these girls. Who can blame them for trying to make a buck selling sexy underwear to the ladies. They want to come across as this sincere band trying to leave behind a genuine creative legacy but this shrewd capitalist attempt at marketing proves otherwise. The demographic? Dykes that can actually fit into to them and lesbians that want to be objectified by other lesbians. My advice? "Snatch" up a pair before they sell out. Anyone and everyone who's ever bought underwear from Excuses For Skipping should wear them and only them to the dyke march so we can ALL see how sexy you look. Come on ladies, don't be shy!

Sugar And Gold
Sexy? dance music = underwear. My friend Bobby got it right when he said "they embody everything that sucked about
the moronic side of 70s music and it nauseates me that the kidz find them so appealing." Here here! We couldn't have said it better ourselves. The demographic? Cool oakland kids who actually have the money to buy band underwear, don't have any shame or open sores from skin popping drugs, and are sick of their three pack of 99 cent underwear purchased in the mission five plus years ago.

The Lovemakers
Well this makes sense, their music is so bad and unoriginal (if you don't believe me go to myspace and listen to their new single "Whine & Dine") that what they've decided to do is sell sex. Gosh, Scott and Lisa haven't made love in years but they make love to the audience every time they perform. It's scary how they've actually become successful doing this. The demographic? Boys and Girls in the audience who are so turned on by the Lovemakers gyrating sweaty and semi-nude on stage that they actually want to have sex with the band. (Maybe when Jason Proctor was still in the band, he was sexy in a "seal balancing a ball on his nose" kind of way.) My advice, purchase a Human League and or Cure cd and have a sexy dance party in your favorite underwear at home.

Band underwear is not cool, ironic, or as we can see from the bands listed above, even the most original marketing idea. It's annoying and if you or your band is thinking of making underwear please don't do it. What we really need? Adult diapers with band logos on them. Helios Creed was looking pretty old at the Chrome show. They rocked the house so I'd buy a pair of incontinence drawers emblazoned with the "Chrome" logo. You wouldn't have to miss any of the bands show as you could avoid going to the bathroom and just relieve yourself while rocking out!

Why do bands with the worst logo and the worst names feel the need to tag every sidewalk in the city (twice) with their shit. I've been meaning to complain about this for a while:



tlxn? Its such a terrible name, I had to go and look them up. The Love by Nowhere? Fuck the new 'indie', why does everybody need to have these pretentious long stark names? In fact, file this under band names so bad I want to slap somebody. Thanks for making sure I have to see it on every block in the mission, awesome!

see more on flickr

A few Fridays ago No Doctors had their record release at the Elbo Room with Wooden Shjips, Fuckwolf, and Sic Alps. Also, it was a Jack Daniels promotional night where they were giving away a guitar. I kind of hate those promotional night, but they're also kind of hilarious. I mention it only because the Elbo Room was super bitchy this night. Supposedly some dude on the internet named grandma put us on the list but when we got there this lady at the door made this huge production about how we weren't on the list. I hope he was just saying that to get people to go to the show, that's great promotion! Anyway, I offered to pay, but this woman had a big deal to make about it for five minutes before letting me pay. I'm sure she had to, all sorts of people were probably trying to pull a mentos to get at that guitar.

We've been reviewing a lot of shows lately so I'm just going to stick to the highlights:

Sic Alps - Everybody loves these guys. I wanted to like them, but enough with the vocal effects already. Every song doesn't need to sound like its coming from deep within a cave, even if that cave does seem to sound really good.

Fuckwolf - So, they've added bongos. I heard they were becoming the next Faust. I don't know if I agree with that, but the bongos ruled. Their crazy dance dub destroy manifesto is totally extreme. Somewhere in the middle of the set it feels like you can't be take anymore, but they know better. These guys continue to be one of my favorites.

Wooden Shjips - Good news! This performance wasn't limp at all and the drummer wasn't slacking. Bad news! They still have no stage presence. Beer time!

No Doctors - Unlike Wooden Shjips, No Doctors owns the stage. I like their classic rock schtick, but I can see how its not for everybody. Two guitars, sax, and drums. Who needs bass after fuckwolf anyway?

Don't miss the party of the summer!

You know, we've been so busy reviewing shows that we've forgotten part of our mission is to hate on the sf_indie list over at yahoo groups. What are these bitches on about? Its always the same five people (the sf_indie intelligentsia as NLS from ESPS called them) talking about belle and sebastian or some shit that they heard on live105. Actually, this may not be true anymore, thats just how it was a few years ago when I stopped wasting my time. They're probably talking about Modest Mouse or whatever Pitchfork told them to like most recently. And don't even get me started on trying to contribute -- don't bother, they're not interested. But we'll keep posting a friday five anyway.

Seriously, whatever. The point is, we're introducing a new feature: Most Ridiculous Thread of the Week on sf_indie. Except it probably won't be weekly because, really, they're not that interesting over there. But when they go off the deep end boy its fun to laugh! Most recently they've been scandalized by Pitchfork's call for Pelican's drummer to quit, so much so somebody emailed the reviewer to ask if he's a drummer. Keep it real folks!

Dynasty Handbag!

http://www.myspace.com/dynastyhandbag

Hello readers,

we will not be posting much, if at all, the next few days as we are going on a road trip. Back in action Monday the 25th of June.

thanks!
World Famous In SF

don't miss one of the best club nights in San Francisco, The Clap.

Tonight, appearing live, the excellent Judy Experience.

see more here

Really, either Elton or I should write something about last week's Chrome show at the Hemlock. It was great. Epic maybe. It was, most certainly, an event. Possibly it could have been a little louder, but whatever. Promotion around the shows last week seemed, oddly, nonexistent. I remember a few years ago Chrome played the Great American and this was definitely a big deal; I know I randomly saw this year's show on the Hemlock's calendar while looking for something else. Perhaps the kids are already too cool for Chrome? I doubt it, because not only were these guys better than many in the current crop of SF bands, but When I mentioned that I was going to see Chrome on Saturday the reaction was generally along the lines of "Chrome? No way! They rule! They're playing??".

In a way, it was kind of awesome that nobody knew Chrome was playing because first up was Battleship and I didn't want to have to see them. I'd seen these guys a few years ago at Balazo with The Mae Shi and had a really good time (although, The Mae Shi stole the show that night). However, I've contemplated seeing Battleship a few times since, but every time the songs on their myspace sound like so much post hardcore blah blah with vocals that I hate so, I find something else to do. The plan is, then, to try and show up at the optimum time. The time when the show hasn't sold out but Battleship has played. Which is silly. Even though nobody knows this show is going on I'm neurotic and have to show up early -- I mean, what if it sells out? We're firmly on time for Battleship, but I decide that's cool because I did really like them that other time I saw them. And the band itself ends up being pretty good. Dynamic, aggressive, angsty. But then the vocals kicked in and it was all macho and it did not work for me. And neither did the vocalist's haircut -- that's probably neither here nor there but I had to get it off my chest. Anyway, in the end it was a similar experience to the recorded material, the vocals won out and we had to find something better to do at the bar.

The second it's safe, we were back inside and upfront and ready for Chrome to take the stage. Helios Creed and company came out in white containment suits and bowler hats. They killed the lights, turned up the amps, and kicked out the motherfucking sci-if jams. Helios' guitar work is amazing, its simultaneously all over the place and holding down a three chord song. The vocals are treated even more than on the recordings, contributing to that paranoid closed in feel. Some of you may be wondering about The tape loops Chrome used. OK, there was a guy on keyboards and up until this moment I wondered what he was up to. At first I assumed he was running the effects for the band, but it seemed like everybody managed themselves, so he must have been providing samples or, maybe, actually playing keyboards. It didn't matter, it couldn't be heard. Maybe we were standing in one of those awkward spots up front where the mix is horrible, or maybe a certain venue needs a better PA. Whatever, it isn't that the tapes weren't missed, but there was a lot to take in. There was definitely early stuff and Helios Creed solo stuff, but over the course of the evening it all bled together. I mean that in a really good way. We were on a paranoid space exploration with a crazy light show and a rhythm section. This was easily one of the best shows this year.

Omewenne.

Check out the songs/demos posted. Recorded in the mid-90's by Joe Goldring (Touched By A Janitor, Wade) featuring Michael Richard (Jack's Loss) Carolyn Engelman (Chamber Strings) and Tom Marzella (Hard Place, Mon Cousin Belge). The incomperable Omewenne does the impossible. She makes beautiful, intelligent music that was often described as Gothic. Gothic is not quite an appropriate label, her music has as much in common with classical and opera as it does with Nico and punk. Omewenne currently resides in the U.K. where she is composing her memorable, haunting compositions. This music just needs exposure, the kids out there love it. I witnessed it on tour with Omewenne opening for Rozz William's and Eva O's wonderfully demented Shadow Project. Thousands of gothic kids cheering in adoration with, as always when performing with Omewenne, all of the heavily art-damaged kids up front.

http://www.myspace.com/omewennesounds

I'll start this by saying I think we should have waited for the Wooden Shjips show this Friday with Fuckwolf and Sic Alps. That show has more to offer in a the way of variety; all of the acts at the Edinburgh this evening specialized in the drone and I don't take the right drugs for three hours or four hours of that to hold my interest. I'm naturally wired for an hour at best. Apparently, though, Aquarius Records does take the right drugs as they featured gushing reviews of both Expo 70 and Metal Rouge on the front page of their last new release newsletter.

Anyway, back in time to when we parked in the sketchy alley behind the Edinburgh. We had arrived a bit late in hopes of missing Metal Rouge, not because we knew anything about them but because we're too old for bills with four bands on them. Unfortunately, we get upstairs and realize we haven't missed anything other than the fact that the show room had been rearranged since the last time we'd been there (which was... I don't remember when. My point is this might not be news). Metal Rouge sets up on stage -- electric guitar and amplified santur -- and proceed to play this one note for about twenty or thirty minutes. They must love that note. It must be the most awesome note because they played it for a long time. Its like all drone shows where eventually you get so into that note you become the note. I just wasn't into this note. The folks over at Aquarius report that everybody else was super into this note and were blown away, so what do I know? Here's a clip, you can tell me what I don't know:

Actually, I was kinda into that clip. I don't have any idea what I'm talking about!

Next was Rahdunes. Guitar + effects and bass. These dudes set up in two different places on the floor amongst the crowd and did their thing. It was like musical evolution: two notes. I was actually pretty into these dudes, the bass set up a nice rhythm (not really a groove, this was too academic for that) and the guitar made loud sounds over that -- what those sounds were really didn't seem to matter. These guys were having a ton of fun, laughing a lot of the time and it was fun to be on the floor with them.

Then there was much speculation as to whether the band setting up was Expo '70 or Wooden Shjips. It looked like Wooden Shjips but they're so mysterious because they don't play much so how could we know?? The band gets to playing and we convince ourselves it must be them and its kinda disappointing. The guitar was pretty awesome, but on the whole the band was kinda limp. The drummer didn't really seem to be up to the task of carrying us through their dirges. Its too bad, the seven inch I have rules and the songs on myspace are pretty good. I had read they weren't great live over on detailed twang so maybe that colored my opinion but I'm accused of being opinionated and hard to please so I don't think that was it.

After that we just couldn't stick around for Expo '70. It was late and we wanted to go hear the jams at Tubesteak Connection! But once we were outside we realized we were defeated by the drone and we were tired so we went back behind the Edinburgh to the sketchy alley and hoped nobody had camped out inside the car.

A message from the band-

The debut, yeah we did a few shows with the current line-up of Emile - vocals, Tom - Keyboards and Mat Cote on drums but they were just us doing the songs minus the fatties who quit the band via e-mail, basically fulfilling gigs that had already been scheduled. We've had a few weeks to put some new stuff together, new arrangements on old stuff and some new surprises. This is the debut of the lean and mean Mon Cousin Belge. The word is that we're up first so get there by 9:30.

Emile's flight from Brussels arrives at 9:00 hopefully he won't get stuck in customs. Oh yeah, it's Mat Cote's birthday. We're going to spank him.

Friday night in San Francisco, I got stuck working late which forced me to miss band practice, eat a completely nasty dinner in Millbrae, then crawl my way up the 101 back to the city. Once again, as the sun set, I saw the famous San Francisco fog completely engulf the peninsula and I couldn't wait to get home, get high and pour myself a stiff drink. Now what could get me out of the house on a chilly foggy Friday night after a long and tedious work week? A booty call? Perhaps. My dog crying for a walk? Most definitely. A local bands record release? Not so much, but when that band is the Passionistas you can count us in.

The Passionistas are like rappers in the sense that they know they're the best and like rappers even if they aren't the best they're still going to boast that they are the best because that's what you do. Well our hopes for this show were high. We saw Passionistas open for Hard Place in L.A. and we liked what we saw. They were young and cute and they told everybody in the audience to fuck off. Since then, we've become familiar with their material posted on MySpace and we liked it. When we heard the Passionistas debut album "God's Boat" was recorded and produced by Kelley Stoltz (if we have to tell you who he is go buy a copy of Mojo Magazine and then go fuck yourself) we were excited for us as fans and for them as a great band who deserve to be seen and listened to.

Well Friday night at Cafe Du Nord we come to find out that we actually are on the guest list (yay for Shameless in San Francisco!) and that we missed the first band, The Specs. However we were lucky enough to catch the Dilletantes featuring Joel Gion of BJM fame and we dug it. O.K., we were into the paisley underground in the early 80's so we like the psychedelic pop sounds that are a prominent influence with the band, plus they had an energy about them. Joel's poses and tambourine playing are the stuff of legend. I think they are much better than the Brian Jonestown Massacre who always had a faux fey British thing going on, whether it was Stone-sy blues, mimicking Spacemen 3 or wanna-be Oasis. When Joel sings he brings in shades of Lou Reed and Modern Lovers era Jonathan Richman, his own unique sense of humour and style and melds it all together with his British influences. The band, especially guitarist Jefferson Parker, bring in other uniquely American sounds like Byrds guitar and the punk jingle jangle of Arthur Lee and Love. There's nothing new going on here but they were a pleasant surprise and did a good job of warming up the crowd and making the music their own.

Awesome, time for the big event. Just from the stage props alone we can tell the the Passionistas went all out for their record release party. Helium balloons shaped like pizza slices and rainbows and a flag designed for when the band eventually form their own country adorn the stage. We quickly make our way up to the front. The band take the stage and begin with a punk number "God's Boat" slightly reminiscent of early B-52's Kleenex/Liliput and they have Kelley Stoltz on the drums. He sounds good but we weren't prepared for the bit of theater we were about to witness. Between songs the band announces that their drummer had to go to Modesto to attend his little sister's graduation (aww) and they thank Kelley for filling in. The Passionistas sound great, alternating lead vocals between Myles Benham-Cooper (was he born with a hyphen?), on songs like "One Foot On A Banana Peel" who at times sounds suave, think Bid (circa early Monochrome Set 1975) or Beach Boys with shades of Velvet Underground and Aaron Mayfield-Sunshine (again with the hyphen) on his numbers "So Rock & Roll" and the title track "God's Boat", Sunshine is responsible for a more herky jerky post punk feel with yelps and lots of start/stops. It a good combination that works well for the band who at times reach an absurd level of Beefheart/Yoko Ono inspired insanity. To everyone's surprise mid-song the drummer comes running in from his trek back from Modesto, throws off his backpack, grabs the drumsticks from old man Stoltz and gets down to business nary missing a beat, bringing the overall energy level up way past 11. Now the band really starts rocking. You can't plan stuff like this, it made everyone in the audience smile and the party was on.


How can these young kids reference all the rare great DIY music of the late 70's. At times the music they were playing could easily fit onto a Messthetics compilation (Steppes, TVP's) or Crippled Dick Hotwax' excellent "7-up Singles" comp (I-jog & the Tracksuits, Jerry and the Holograms). Do they have vast record collections? or are they just kids who like Mariah Carey and Rap? Kids who aren't the most skilled musicians in town, kids who write about stuff that's important to them (be it grandma or goin' gay). It is this crowning, unskilled approach which makes their music come completely out of left field (especially when compared to what else is happening in San Francisco these days), recorded somewhere on God's Boat floating in the middle of a vast ocean surrounded by nothing, creating something fresh, unique and new. This sophisticated release bodes well for the brand new "New & Used Records" label. We liked the Passionistas performance so much, we bought a CD.

Next up on the bill, Mr. Passionistas producer himself Kelley Stoltz. Here's the good part, a lot of Kelley Stoltz fans were in the audience, the place was packed and we were happy that the Passionistas had a good crowd for their record release. Even better, it was a very good crowd, cheering on the Passionistas almost to the surprise of the band who were quite pleased and somewhat amazed with the response. (also, Kelley did a great job producing Passionistas, the record is awesome review tk soon!) So why was his live performance pleasant yet uninteresting? I don't know, I mean you've got kids like the Passionistas breaking/ignoring and making up all the rules and you've got Kelley and his band of session musicians (Kevin Ink may be a studio whiz but he's hella dull on stage) boring us to the point of indifference. Stoltz, who's proved he's a fantastic songwriter, should get a new band to back him up, maybe they wouldn't be as technically precise as the monkeys he had on stage with him at du Nord (at times I felt we were watching them all go bald) but at this point we think Kelley could learn something from his proteges, long live the Passionistas!

Did you enjoy this review? Well, all we ask at Shameless in San Francisco is that you put us on the guest list and in return, we'll review your band. It's as simple as that.

Perfect Wieners and Butts



Wonderful Performance Art Rockers from Detroit. Check out the video for Night School. If you dig it search perfectwienersandbutts on you tube see below for an awesome version of Cher's Believe sung by Glen Danzig. What do we have to do to bring PWB to San Francisco?

http://www.myspace.com/perfectwienersandbutts

@hemlock w/ Battleship. 9:30. $12

Twelve bucks?? So expensive! I guess, maybe, Helios Creed has earned it. This should be so good!

Tomorrow, June 8th. @Cafe du Nord. 10 bucks!

-Kelley Stoltz (headliner)
brilliant Sub Pop recording artist, Passionistas producer, man who brought N&UR and the Passionistas together

-The Passionistas
stars of the N&UR label, the future of rock music, my favorite band

-The Dilettantes
fronted by Joel Gion of the Brian Jonestown Masscare, awesome "Nuggets"-esque rockers

-The Specs
the best reason EVER to show up for a show on-time, brilliant pop concoctions from Katie Ann (the Devilettes, the Girl Most Likely To) and Jym (Mr. T Experience)

10 bucks? Ok Passionistas, the pressure is on. First of all, this is an expensive show. Secondly, elton and I both like that one Kelley Stoltz record but he can be totally painful live. And thirdly, this is a SHAMELESS IN SAN FRANCISCO qualifying event so awesome or not, no matter how much we like you, its going down in print on the internet. Repository of all fact!

@Edinburgh Castle w/ Expo 70, Rahdunes, and Metal Rouge (nz/la)



I think we're going. Unless we go see them next week at the elbo room with fuckwolf. Be careful Shjips, you don't want to become overexposed like fuckwolf!

What cute but fussy drummer was just fired from his bartending job? Seems a patron known as "Castrobear" claims he was pushed by drummer boy. We know drummer boy pretty well and can't imagine him pushing anyone other than the lead singer of his band.

What local band, popular with Live 105 and at one time on a major label, has a new single up on their myspace page that is so BAD it makes their old stuff sound significantly better, and the old stuff wasn't so hot. Here's a hint, it's not Honeycut!

What semi-famous local musician likes to keep a lid on the fact that he's totally into same sex hanky panky? While we could criticise him for being closeted we kind of like that fact that there's a fag out there who you can shag and NOBODY will ever find out about it.

Not that this blog isn't awesome, but sometimes I think my posts could provide more insight rather than just vomiting up first impressions for (poor?) comedic effect. But that's the concept and I'm sticking with it. Here's some other San Francisco blogs about music and the scene that we've been reading:

http://www.mostlymeat.com
This blog makes me laugh fairly consistently. The posts may seem ironic (blue oyster cult, good times, pictures of cute cats) but he always talks about his kids and parenting skills and its pretty sweet. Besides, who doesn't like B.O.C., good times, and cute cats? This dude may be a regular poster to the sf indie list, but I don't hold that against him.

http://deadeyeisalive.blogspot.com
A new blog by the drummer of Mon Cousin Belge about being over the bear scene in San Francisco. I think, its what he wrote about in his first post. And I think he's right. The bear 'movement' is about rebelling against the gay uniform (muscled, blond on top, hairless everywhere else, following relentlessly bad fashion trends) and being more comfortable in your own skin. This should be awesome, I'm against any scene's uniform but these guys have ended up just like the gays they hated except in winter clothing (round belly, no hair on top, hair everywhere else, and anything that matches worker boots). Way to get it all wrong fatties!

http://detailedtwang.blogspot.com
I found this blog this morning when I was trying to figure out how much the Wooden Shjps show is tonight. It caught my eye because its named after an obscure art damaged British band from the seventies who do an excellent drums and vocals only cover of the Television Personalities' "Part Time Punks". It looks like lots of informative posts about music on the fringe, past and present.

Brimstone Howl: Kinda awesome live, but then I checked out their myspace page.

When I got to the hemlock these kids were playing, so apparently the show started on time. At first, I kinda hated them. Midwestern boys with garage rock haircuts playing garage rock. Aren't these corn fed cutie types supposed to be cute? These guys weren't so much, but they were endearing. I saw four songs total and over the course of these songs they won me over and got a little cuter. The songs were totally rockin, they almost had this fifties feel to them. During the last song, the two guitarists got into the crowd, one on the other's shoulders, and they each played guitar like some sort of GODZILLA rock destroyer. If that doesn't win you over, then I guess we're still looking for something that will.

I bought a seven inch because they asked nicely at the end of the set. At the merch table they told me it was recorded by Jay Retard. I went to their myspace page and it was on about dudes from the Black Keys and the Horrors recording them and other dudes from Pere Ubu mastering them and how Maximum Rock n Roll said they sounded like the Gun Club. Pere Ubu and the Gun Club are cool but I am irrationally against the Black Keys and it kinda rubbed off on these guys. Or maybe its because their haircuts are even worse on this page and they all have gross moustaches. Or maybe I'm just cranky today. I probably am cranky, I have a cold. These kids are probably OK. Bomp records thinks so!

Apache (the band): songs so stupid, they might change your life.

These guys look like Vietnam vets turned hippie. Dirty, seventies, washed up hippies. A friend of mine was standing behind this guy with long greasy hair, a head band, and a brown leather vest and asked "Does he really need to dress like that?". When Apache took the stage and that guy was their singer she said "Right, he does need to dress like that". And the guitarist needs his guitar with the intricate woodcarving to play a lot of songs about drugs (White Hammer, Crystal Clear) and crazy girls (Nazi Knife -- little nazi knife, she's not so nice. she's gonna cut you up!). Everybody sings the same words and the same notes and you should be doing that too. They ruled!

The High Strung: they get their name from the sound of his vocals!

Word on the street (literally, overheard on the street) is that these guys weren't so nice. I know this: it took them forever to set up. I hate that. And then every song they played sounded the same and was sung by this guy with some nasally ass vocals wearing that hat from the urban outfitters that I hate. The bassist wore goggles and bobbed up and down like a Muppet. I think he had a beard too. Its amazing how that can be charming for some bands and absolutely unbearable for others. We left early.

The cast of Texas Chainsaw 90210

Since we last ran the Units as the MySpace Page of the week, we thought we'd share a little more SF History with you all.

There once was (and I think there still is!) a theater troupe called The Sick & Twisted Players that graced various SF Stages with the most hilarious productions you can imagine. The brainchild and mastermind behind the troupe, Tony Vaguely, has to be one of the most brilliant and creative people I've ever met.

Tony was cool enough to put up some photos of Sick & Twisted classics like

Texas Chainsaw 90210
The Omen starring Mary Poppins
The Exorcist a Dance Macabre

and many more, there's also a hilarious blog. We salute Tony Vaguely and his Sick & Twisted Players. Check it out!

http://www.myspace.com/sickandtwistedplayers

We're gonna be there, are you?

@ the hemlock (on polk between post and sutter)
$8, 9:30
The High Strung
Apache
Brimstone Howl