O.K. while Mr. Smears was going all on and on about this band that spray paints their logo all over town I was finding myself significantly amused and became inspired to write a post about something bands do that I really hate.
Here's a list of bands that I've seen out hawking underwear (I HATE THAT!) with their band logo on it, (how clever, how cute! not!) and my guess as to what the demographic is who would actually fork over $$ to buy said bands underwear.
Excuses For Skipping
Wow, these girls. Who can blame them for trying to make a buck selling sexy underwear to the ladies. They want to come across as this sincere band trying to leave behind a genuine creative legacy but this shrewd capitalist attempt at marketing proves otherwise. The demographic? Dykes that can actually fit into to them and lesbians that want to be objectified by other lesbians. My advice? "Snatch" up a pair before they sell out. Anyone and everyone who's ever bought underwear from Excuses For Skipping should wear them and only them to the dyke march so we can ALL see how sexy you look. Come on ladies, don't be shy!
Sugar And Gold
Sexy? dance music = underwear. My friend Bobby got it right when he said "they embody everything that sucked about
the moronic side of 70s music and it nauseates me that the kidz find them so appealing." Here here! We couldn't have said it better ourselves. The demographic? Cool oakland kids who actually have the money to buy band underwear, don't have any shame or open sores from skin popping drugs, and are sick of their three pack of 99 cent underwear purchased in the mission five plus years ago.
The Lovemakers
Well this makes sense, their music is so bad and unoriginal (if you don't believe me go to myspace and listen to their new single "Whine & Dine") that what they've decided to do is sell sex. Gosh, Scott and Lisa haven't made love in years but they make love to the audience every time they perform. It's scary how they've actually become successful doing this. The demographic? Boys and Girls in the audience who are so turned on by the Lovemakers gyrating sweaty and semi-nude on stage that they actually want to have sex with the band. (Maybe when Jason Proctor was still in the band, he was sexy in a "seal balancing a ball on his nose" kind of way.) My advice, purchase a Human League and or Cure cd and have a sexy dance party in your favorite underwear at home.
Band underwear is not cool, ironic, or as we can see from the bands listed above, even the most original marketing idea. It's annoying and if you or your band is thinking of making underwear please don't do it. What we really need? Adult diapers with band logos on them. Helios Creed was looking pretty old at the Chrome show. They rocked the house so I'd buy a pair of incontinence drawers emblazoned with the "Chrome" logo. You wouldn't have to miss any of the bands show as you could avoid going to the bathroom and just relieve yourself while rocking out!
2007/06/28
Excuses for Skidmarking
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5 comments:
I am currently working on a chewing gum that, upon being chewed, plays Ex-Boyfriends songs INSIDE YOUR MOUTH until you spit it out.
So, I actually own several pairs of band panties. Does that make me part of the problem, or just a girl who likes sensitive singer boys near her crotch?
if a bitter talentless queen talks shit but no one is listening, does it make a sound?
Okay I've never listened to any of those bands, but Liza stole a pair of underwear from Sugar & Gold once and it was really funny, we threw it out of Eddie's van window and it landed inside of somebody else's car and they didn't even notice! So you could also list in their demographic: Liza, drunk, to distribute at her discretion to weirdos on Market Street later.
There are now 5 comments on this post, so clearly someone is listening "wha?".
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